Lessons from the film Groundhog Day

It’s not what happens to us but how we react that is important

I doubt the creators of the 1993 film Groundhog Day had any idea of the cult status that their little creation would become, the phrase can even be found in the dictionary.

“a situation in which events that have happened before happen again, in what seems to be exactly the same way”

It is a wonderful comedy, one of my absolute favourites. Bill Murray plays the part of Phil Connor a rather grumpy, self-indulgent man who becomes stuck in a moment in time. He is forced to repeat the same day over and over again. At exactly 6am in the morning he is woken by his radio alarm playing Cher’s “I got you babe.” The events are always the same. Everyone says and does the same thing and only he can do things differently, but the outcome never changes. He remains trapped, he repeats the day over and over until he gets the message, until he changes.

We are all experiencing our own personal Groundhog Days. We continue to be at the beck and call of an enemy that we cannot see and are still learning the rules on how to fight it. If you take nothing else from this little article, then just enjoy the movie but there are 3 ideas from Phil being trapped in a time loop that I would like to share, that have helped me through this time. They all lead to the same intent.

“It’s not what happens to us that is important but what we do next”

1. Acceptance
2. Getting out of yourself
3. Discover a new passion

Acceptance

This idea of acceptance is not hard to get, but it can be difficult to carry out particularly now as we have lost so much control. This is how I understand acceptance.

If you had a broken arm you wouldn’t carry on trying to use it as normal, you couldn’t because its broken and you can’t change that. You would accept “my arm is broken.” You might have the thought “I really don’t like this and it’s a major pain coming at this time and will stop me doing so much but I can adapt, I can use my other arm to help me do things that I normally do.” This is acceptance, you are accepting conditions are in place that stop you doing things. You don’t much like it, but they are there, and they cannot be changed, and so you adapt and change to their inevitability.

In the movie when Phil is first trapped in the time loop, he fights it, he goes down the road of excess drinking, overeating, partying exploiting his position. Maybe he does this to hide the anxiety he has about being in this crazy surreal situation. But when he accepts what has happened to him and goes with it, he softens, he changes, he finds ways to enjoy the situation. He even learns new skills and befriends the people he previously couldn’t stand.

Getting out of ourselves

I find at the moment that it’s easy to be caught up in the cosiness and safety of my own bubble. This stabbed at me recently when I heard that my children’s nanny had died. I hadn’t been in touch with her much for a few years. She had sent me a lovely thoughtful text last spring after I was ill myself. I was busy and I replied with a quick thank you and said I will get back to you, but I didn’t. The reality she was already very sick, but yet she was able to write to me and wish me well after my illness. No mention of her own struggles. It was a selfless text bathed in love and care for me and my family. So perhaps the message is to deliberately think about those friends and family members who we think are okay? Are they? How do you know? If they pop into your head maybe call or text them just to check-in. Just because they say they are fine doesn’t mean they are. But it’s easy to send a text or organise a call.

The current situation is out of our control. We can’t change what is happening to us we can only change how we react to it to and how we react to our friends and families.

Here are some simple daily ideas from Action for Happiness to help us connect with others and spread kindness.

It’s the same when we are feeling anxious or depressed, we get caught up in a loop where the spotlight of attention is internally focussed. We are immersed in our own thoughts and feelings. If we can find ways to turn this attention away from ourselves to others this can break this cycle. Doing things for other people is a simple way of achieving this. It can take our minds off own problems. It can also put your own circumstances into perspective by realising that there is a lot of good stuff going on compared to others.

In the film Phil had looked down on everyone in the town. Gradually he becomes interested in the town’s people. He becomes obsessed with helping a homeless man. By the end of the movie, he is loved by everyone.

What’s your passion?

Like Phil in Groundhog Day, lockdown has provided us with time to kill and a great opportunity to learn to do something new. We don’t know how long Phil was is stuck in his parallel universe but in the time that he was there he managed to acquire some serious skills; to ice sculpt great blocks of ice, play jazz piano rather proficiently and speak French!

I haven’t done anything like Phil has done, I haven’t learnt a language or learned to play an instrument, but I have, thanks to a great friend re-discovered a love for reading. For my work as a coach/therapist I naturally read a lot as ideas and theories change and evolve. I enjoy doing this, but reading non psychological books has just been a holiday fill-in. Thanks to my lovely friend including me in a book club, and cherry-picking book recommendations for me, I’m devouring books. I am averaging 1-2 a week. What have I sacrificed? Maybe a few TV programmes on Netflix. I now read first thing in the morning and last thing at night. There is light at the end of this horrendous dark tunnel, so in the time left maybe find a new passion or use the time to cultivate a new habit?

Takeaways?

Watch the movie Groundhog Day
When we are able accept a difficult situation, it’s easier to move forward
Getting out of ourselves and doing things for other people can improve our mood
Discover a new passion
It’s not what happens to us but what we do next that’s important